Reviewed by Eileen Quinn Knight, Ph.D.
The best way to think about this book is to realize it is a primer both for couples affected by pornography addiction and sexual infidelity and for those who work with them: Counselors, accountability partners, family members and clergy. Because husbands and wives are affected differently by pornography addiction, this book looks at recovery and healing for spouses both when the husband is the addict and when the wife is the addict. It is broken into three sections: the first focuses on the addicted spouse, the disease of addiction and the process of recovery; the second section looks at the offended spouse, the traumatic wound of betrayal, and the process of recovery and healing; the third and final section focuses on the ways couples can work together to heal and restore their marriages. The two married couples discussed in this book are amalgamations of the hundreds of couples I’ve treated who have been affected by pornography/sex addiction, as well as couples presented in research studies.
The author recommends that both spouses read this book together and answer the reflection questions in each chapter. You may even want to keep a common journal to record your answers, as well as any important insights or facts. As you read and reflect, pay attention to any physical, emotional or spiritual reactions you experience. For example, if when reading a section, you feel a tightness in your shoulders or chest, or you begin to cry that may be a signal that there is a deep wound that needs to be addressed for healing. These reactions can help guide better to understand each other and help guide you through the healing and recovery process.
The couple may also wish to discuss your answers with your therapist for greater knowledge and insight. Working through this book with a priest or spiritual director can also help you to experience God more deeply in your healing and recovery process because God does want to be a part of this process, but the betrayed spouse, t restore your trust in your spouse, and for the addicted spouse, to help you find healing from your addiction. This book is only the beginning. I hope you will find it provides you with the knowledge and tools you need to continue your individual and marital healing and restoration. May you come to know that with God’s help, you can recover and create a marriage that is happy, healthy, and holy. There is hope for a better future.
Pornographic addiction is the fastest growing epidemic in America. Modern neuroscience has shown us that pornography is an addictive substance that has the same effect on the brain as cocaine. Pornography has become the new ‘drug of choice’ and millions are affected by it.
Some sobering statistics
Thirteen percent of all search engine requests are for sexual content.
Ten percent of men will admit to being addicted to pornography
About one-third of all visitors to pornographic websites are women
Among millennials, 63 percent of men and 21 percent of women view pornography at least several times a week
Fifty-five percent of married men say they watch porn at least once a month
Twenty-five percent of married women say they watch porn at least once a month
Most wives view their husband’s use of pornography as seriously as an extramarital affair.
Pornography is contributing to the further breakdown of the family
Pornography plays a significant role in over 50 percent of all divorces.
For reflection: At this point, what hope do you have that your marriage can be healed and restored.
This is a book that will assist all couples dealing with this issue and other addictions.