by Gordon Nary
Gordon: Tell us about your family of origin and how it influenced your vocation as a chaplain.
Tom: Growing up in a small town in upstate New York, my Uncle Ed was a Franciscan priest and an Army chaplain, and my Aunt Del was a Sister of St. Francis who spent part of her ministry caring for lepers on the island of Molokai. My mother, Marie, had a tremendous devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. All three of them and the selfless support of my dad, Joe, and my grandparents helped me to develop a desire to serve. We lived in a two-story flat with my grandparents upstairs and when I would visit them each day I would always read the plaque that hung outside their door displaying this message: I expect to pass through this life but once. Therefore, if there is any good that I can do, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.
Gordon: And how did your education support those early formative years as a young man?
Tom: I was taught by the Sisters of St. Joseph in elementary school, the Xaverian Brothers in high school and Franciscan priests throughout college and seminary. That training helped me to develop a mission in life that focuses on serving others in a way that brings them closer to God’s limitless love.
Gordon: What Licenses & certifications have you earned?
Tom: I was licensed in Florida as a Marriage & Family Therapist, and I had a practice in the Clearwater area for years. With the help of the Diocese of St. Petersburg, I was able to see couples and families that couldn’t afford to pay for services in a secular setting. When I was led to the ministry of hospice chaplaincy, I was board certified by the Spiritual Care Association in New York and I participate in their ongoing continuing education requirements.
Gordon: You’ve been able to share your expertise with college students as an Adjunct Instructor?
Tom: Yes. In the Buffalo area I had the opportunity to serve as an instructor at Daemen College and taught a course on Juvenile Delinquency and in the Tampa area I taught a course on Child Development at St. Petersburg Junior College when we moved to Florida. Being able to share with students in that environment was both challenging and rewarding.
Gordon: I’m curious about what it’s like to serve hospice patients at the end-of-life and their families. Tell me about that please.
Tom: In my book, Reflections of a Hospice Chaplain, I mention that I can only pray that I have given to patients and to their families as much as they have given to me in my ministry. We had a young woman, for example, brought to our inpatient unit some time ago in the final stages of pancreatic cancer. She had been rejected by her family, living in the woods, and helping out at a local mission in return for food to survive. When I asked her if there was anything I could do for her to make her more comfortable, she took my hand and said “No, but there is one thing you could do for me before I die. No one has ever really loved me in my life. Will you and the doctors and nurses here love me before I die?” While not every situation is as emotional as that one was, the joy of being able to share God’s love with people of all faiths before the Lord calls them home has been an immeasurable blessing for me as a chaplain. At hospice we work as a team: RN Case Manager, RN, Social Worker, Home Health Aides, Music Therapist, Physician, Chaplain and volunteers. We do ceremonial pinnings at end-of-life for veterans who have served our country and for nurses who have served their patients. I wouldn’t trade my vocation as a hospice chaplain for anything in the world.
Gordon: In addition to your hospice work, you served as a Fire Commissioner and now as a Fire Chaplain in your district.
Tom: That’s correct. I served two, four-year terms as an elected Fire Commissioner and after my second term ended in 2022 I created a proposal that was adopted and endorsed by the district as well as by Bishop Parkes here in the Diocese and Governor DeSantis to serve as a non-denominational Community Chaplain for our residents. In addition to typical chaplain duties like responding to deaths, ministering to residents who have lost loved ones and so on, when there is a traffic accident or fire I am also available to serve. We have a great chaplain in our department who focuses on the needs of our firefighter family so the blend of the two approaches to ministry is especially rewarding. I’m also very proud of my son, Joe, who serves as a Fire Captain in Polk County, Florida.
Gordon: Tell us about your volunteer services.
Tom: Everything I do is grounded in two of my favorite scriptures: Matthew 25:31-46 and Isaiah 6:8. I wear the Isaiah scripture on a wrist bracelet: Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here I am, Lord. Send me.”
In working hospice and in the community, I see people who are homeless, hungry, hurting, and helpless. As a result, I formed The Matthew25 Mission , a Florida not-for-profit foundation that serves the needs of those who need and are not receiving life’s basic necessities (food, water, clothing), and not just in our area. In less than a year, we have received requests from all over the country for help. I pray that those who read this interview will consider a tax-deductible donation.
Gordon: Please provide an overview of the books that you have written.
Tom: I love to write, Gordon. I’ve written over ten books and co-authored two of them with my friend, Major General Karl Horst (US Army-RET), former Chief of Staff at US Central Command. My favorite book is one that I wrote to my grandson entitled Letters to Ethan, A Grandfather’s Legacy of Life & Love and contains a series of letters to him about how to live a good life. Coach Lou Holtz was kind enough to write the back cover copy which was a personalized letter to Ethan. And the legendary Dick Vitale graciously offered his endorsement: “This book is AWESOME, baby!” Two of my other popular books are Jesus Therapy: The Best Advice Money Can’t Buy and Reflections of a Hospice Chaplain. My wife, Dottie, a retired RN who has a servant heart of her own, says that she likes Jesus Therapy the best!
Gordon: Tom, can you describe the one thing or event that has shaped your life’s mission?
Tom: Yes. I died when I was born. The umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, and I was pronounced at what was then Faxton Hospital in Utica, NY. When I was being carried to the morgue my heart started to beat again and I was returned to my parents. As a child, no one told me anything about it until I was about seven or eight years old and started having dreams. I was in a beautiful place where I wanted to stay, and very nice people that I didn’t know were telling me that I had to leave and “go back.” I remember telling my mother one day about my dreams and tears came to her eyes. She hugged me and in her own way told me for the first time what happened to me as a baby. About a week later she sat me down again and had a family photo album of our relatives who had died. As she turned the pages she asked me if I recognized anyone from my dreams. I did…and she hugged me and cried again, then explained to me in a way that a young boy could understand that I had a short trip to Heaven before coming home from the hospital and not to worry about the dreams. Having just reached the age of reason, it was all a little difficult to understand, but not anymore. No one will ever convince me that that there’s not a Heaven. I wrote about the lessons I took away from that experience in one of my books, What I Learned When I Died. We can choose Heaven by loving God with all of our mind, heart, soul, and strength and loving our neighbor as ourselves. That reality drives who I am and everything that I do.
Gordon: Thank you for an exceptional interview.