By Gordon Nary
Gordon: Tell us something about yourself.
My name is Francis Etheredge and, although having been brought up a Catholic, and I went to Catholic schools, too, there is nothing automatic about the reception of the faith that we receive; and, in a certain way, it was the pursuit of truth that ultimately led me back to God – particularly the truth that I was a sinner. In a moment, then, it was God who revealed Himself as the “God who helps”. Marriage, up until this point, had been impossible; it was like trying to pass through a barbed wire fence – I just could not enter. I was forty and ready for suicide as the number of disappointments were outgrowing the possibility of hoping against hope in the possibility of being happy. There were many unfinished courses behind me, although the one I was then studying was coming to completion, and not much in the way of writing was published. Then the gift of faith came through reading in the Catechism of the Catholic Church: that if God can create all that exists, He can make a new beginning for the sinner (CCC, 298).
Following this moment, which was not self-explanatory as to why it happened at all and what was to follow revealed, as it were, that it was God who acted through the word of the Catechism. Without any effort, then, I returned to the Neocatechumenal Way, a process of coming to an adult Christian Faith, and went on a pilgrimage, wherein I received a Gospel at random which was the woman caught in adultery to whom Christ said: “Go and sin no more”. Within a year, having turned to the practice of the Catholic Faith, I met and married my wife, Catherine, and I am now married 28 years and we have ten children, two of whom are in heaven; and, owing to my history, I have another child in heaven, too, I hope, who was lost to abortion a number of years previous to marrying.
Having had any number of jobs, including a period of self-employment, it was now necessary, or so it seemed, to abandon the possibility of becoming a writer; however, as a result of many years of higher education, it seemed like the Lord was leading me back to writing and, eventually, when I was employed in Catholic education, I published my first book. About this time too, a number of articles were also published, notably on the beginning of human, personal life, which then developmentally unfolds to reveal the presence of the person from conception. However, owing to a change of leadership, I eventually left paid employment and became a self-employed writer. There are now 17, going on 18 books published, all of which can be found through this American publisher’s portal: https://enroutebooksandmedia.com/francisetheredge/.
A healing heart hopes to help other hurting hearts.
Gordon: Please share with our readers some information about your wife and children.
Owing to the fact that my wife and children are not public figures, my answer to this question will be relatively brief. My wife, then, was also in the Neocatechumenal Way and, at one point, we were on the same pilgrimage to Denver, Colorado, when she thought that I might make a husband; however, although I heard a word of life from St. John Paul II, preaching the Gospel, “I come to give you life and life to the full” (John 10: 10), I stood up to explore the possibility of becoming a priest which, clearly, did not happen. Four years later we were married; and, therefore, do not underestimate the intuition of a woman!
Our courtship was certainly simple and chaste and, as I had little money, somewhat consisted in walking and talking. Catherine said she was open to life even if, much later, we would discuss what this meant many times. We shared, as I said, a common calling to an adult formation in the Catholic Faith. Again, thinking of our courtship, we were advised by our priest, Fr. Tony Trafford, to read the Book of Tobit together, which we did, taking from it the practice of praying before we lay down together (Tobit 8: 4-8). I was also asked to get a job which, as I was failing to earn more than a pound from writing, was a necessity; and, apparently, I got a job that same day as a laundry laborer, although I thought it took a little longer. All of our children, we might say, were prayed into existence as I was often on a low wage, ill and trying to study, however poorly, as I was tired and in and out of hospital with clots and infections.
My wife certainly earnt a lot more than I did, had a car, and had been on holidays abroad with her brother; and, therefore, marrying me was an extraordinary grace as I had so little to recommend me, only just that summer completing my first degree at 40 and earning practically nothing. She has brought many talents with her, including sewing, painting, housekeeping, cooking, praying daily and being able to elaborate on the saints of the Church’s calendar, introducing them, very often at the breakfast table, with a little summary of their life; indeed, speaking for myself, I came to look forward to these mini-portraits as one of the numerous ways she instructed us all in the lives of the saints and has contributed to the faith-formation of our children.
Our children, as they grew, went on an increasing number of pilgrimages with the Neocatechumenal Way, some of which were with us as we went as a family and some of which, as they got older, they went accompanied by others. As a family, our first pilgrimage was to Milan, Italy, for the World Meeting of Families, where we experienced marvellous hospitality and the help of one “Hail Mary”. We had got separated from the main body of pilgrims, having gone for a walk around a nearby lake, and were now setting off back to our host-flat without a clue about how to get there, no Italian, and with eight tired children getting more tired, having been told that if we got on a bus without tickets we could be fined 50 euros per person! We got to a bus shelter, with the children pushing and shoving as there was an ants’ nest there, and we were getting worried about how we were going to manage. Thus we said one “Hail Mary”, a short prayer, which begins, “Hail Mary, full of grace”. Just as we finished it, an Italian from where our pilgrims had been gathering, recognized us and got us all on a bus which had just arrived at the bus stop! The bus took us to the bus station and the Italian, following the bus by car, got us on the right bus back to our host-town. Angels come in many disguises!
Our faith-first formation of our children was not always easy as, with any group of children, one pushes another and laughs, not to mention another kicks another and so on. But, over the years, we persevered as we ourselves were still being formed and encouraged by what we received. Although a very zigzagging route, our children are starting to go out into the world, qualifying in various ways, in law, in engineering, in psychology, in film, with three of the young men taking steps towards the Catholic priesthood, while others are completing courses, looking for work, still at school and going through a variety of crises about life, from time to time, but still keeping in contact and coming home.
Gordon: Based on your experience, what are the key factors that make a successful marriage?
In the first place, both my wife and I were reconciled to being Catholics, to having a chaste courtship, to going for walks and talking, to following a way of formation which leads to an adult Christian Faith; and, while my wife brought regular prayer with her, I gradually joined in and we prayed together. The word of God which has helped us enormously, is the marriage feast of Cana (John 2: 1-12), wherein at the very wedding feast, the couple ran out of wine and Mary intervened, asking her son, Jesus Christ, to help, which He did – making the best new wine! So we experienced difficulties from the beginning, as if the wine ran out right away and, therefore, we had to hope in this new wine of the Lord’s help, which we have experienced abundantly.
So, even if at times, all we could do was walk without talking owing to such a charged disagreement between us, still we could pray, and walk, and start again.
Secondly, we are a part of a Christian community which, together with our parents, helped organize our wedding, the reception, and the honeymoon. The weekly meetings of our own community, in which we listen to a word of God, share preparations for liturgies and go on weekend retreats together, from time to time, has also given us opportunity to talk about our difficulties, ask for help, and put us in front of the word of God to inspire us in our Christian life.
Finally, the support of priests, the sacraments of the Church, particularly the sacrament of Reconciliation, otherwise known as confession, and the sacrament of the Eucharist, are a constant help to undermine the attitudes, harmful experiences and their effects which rise up, either from the past or from present conflicts. In other words, seeking to remember and ask forgiveness for my own sins, as well as seeking from the Lord in the Eucharist, otherwise known as the Mass, the new nature of the servant of the family that only He can make possible.